the b.ho show!

A continuation of a humorous (occasionally scathing) summary of J.K. Rowling's, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by Elizabeth Ayscue and myself.  This entry is a bit longer as it's the last chapter we've fully summarized.

This summary of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince being written up by a friend (Elizabeth) and I.  We were inspired by MightyGodKing's summary of the 7th book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  Both his and ours are (meant to be) humorous.  Liz and I quite like the Half-Blood Prince, but it was pretty fun to tear it a new asshole, regardless of those feelings.  Enjoy!  Or don’t.  I don’t give a toss.

( The Boy Who Loved His Book A Bit Too Much: A Survival Guide For HP Half-Blood Prince Chapters 4-7 )

 

 

I should be reluctant to post these.  But since they're already written...WE BEGIN!

This summary of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is currently being written up by a friend (Elizabeth) and I.  We were inspired by MightyGodKing's summary of the 7th book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  Both his and ours are (meant to be) humorous.  Liz and I quite like the Half-Blood Prince, but it was pretty fun to tear it a new asshole, regardless of those feelings.  Enjoy!  Or don’t.  I don’t rightly give a toss.
 

 

 

 

i know i said i'd post the HBP stuff next, but i have something else to say, so i'm posting this first:
-Meleah is going to Japan tomorrow.  Makes me even MORE appreciative of webcams.  first, u.ho in a-ville now Meleah in Japan.  wonderful.
-speaking of u.ho, a trip to a-ville is in the near future.  need to know the price of greyhound tickets!

that's all.  happy labor day!

i have 811 unread messages.  this is because i never do anything, here, on LJ.  and, probably, also because I SMELL (that was for you, u.ho).

so, for lack of better or wittier things to write, i will be posting the Half-Blood Prince summary that Liz and i have been working on (with contributions from Rachel, a line from Dibble and drawings, provided by the lovely Niph).  it will start on the next entry and i'll group them by chapters.  i probably should wait until i'm done, but i'm not going to because i'm impatient and i figure this will motivate me to finish.  i also thought about making a new LJ for this, but i'm not going to because i'm lazy and...huh.  yeah, just lazy.

i hope you'll enjoy.

p.s.--also, enjoy THIS: Welcome to Beijing (starring some of my favorite Mando singers EVAH.  AND Jackie Chan--hollah)
p.p.s.--we used this in Chinese class yesterday.  it was lulzly and, actually, pretty helpful: Chinese Pinyin in 6 Mins
p.p.s.--it POURED yesterday and i'm sick now.  so is u.ho.  omg, we're like twins.

Lindsey: Which movie should I watch? The Jungle Book, Oliver, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or My Fair Lady?
Me: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Lindsey: I've already seen that a million times. I haven't seen My Fair Lady, but I hear it's boring.
Me: Okay, watch The Jungle Book.
Lindsey: ...shit. Okay, I think I'm going to watch Oliver.
Me: Seriously, why ask me if you already know what you're going to watch? All you're going to do is take the movie I pick and watch the other one!
Lindsey: I'm watching Jungle Book, leave me alone!
Me: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING JUNGLE BOOK?
Lindsey: WHY ARE THE BEGINNING OF DISNEY MOVIES SO LONG?

this note marks the end of an age--after this, i will no longer rant and rave about my dislike of the series by Stephanie Meyer, known as Twilight, unless someone desperately wants me to. upon ulana's expert advice, i've stopped looking up information about the book since two days after Breaking Dawn's release. it's pointless and only serves to upset me more.

however, before all of this ended, i wrote this little bit of some things i found rather funny about BD (from secondhand information) and decided to post it here because i don't want to write it for NOTHING, after all.

*coughcough*

I am not a fan of Twilight (understatement), but I have nothing against its readers (okay, maybe SOME readers..like, annoying people who would be on my "To Kill" list, regardless). If you are personally offended by the following tongue-lashing towards said book, seek help. Or start a club. Those are nice and social.

Now bear in mind that this is all secondhand information. IN OTHER WORDS, I DON’T CARE about what ACTUALLY happened in the book. Really. I don’t want to know if I’m misinformed about certain characters or scenes. It just makes the book ten times funnier to me and I don’t want to lose that.

We Begin:


and i am done talking about Twilight on my blogs and blah blah blah. <3.

p.s.--still watching the movie because robert pattison is a BABE.
p.p.s.--my sister walked by with a febreeze bottle resting on her arm, a (LARGE) cup of milk being held by her teeth, a double-stuff oreo pack in one hand and green tea and sour-straws in the other.  she claimed, "this is my lunch" and it was funny to me.  just let the image sink in, guys.

mmm, pattison...you can come into my chamber of secrets ANYTIME...*licks manibrow* mrawr <3

speaking of.  u.ho came over yesterday and she's on a robert pattison high, thanks to a certain Twilight movie and the power of beautiful manpires, so we watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.  it was GREAT FUN.  i made a smashing gred/forge 69 joke that i can't repeat here...it just won't work (and it really wasn't that funny anyway--just UDDERly ridiculous)

ALSO, we played some Harry Potter Scene It? Second Edition, which i haven't played in forever.  if u.ho couldn't tell how excited i was...well, i'm sure she could tell.  there may have been slight hopping from foot-to-foot, on my part.


AND OMG, SHE'S GOING TO READ ANNE RICE 0_0!  it's not the vampire chronicles (sadly i own not the starter books), but i gave her Vittorio...hopefully she will fall in love with MORE beautiful manpires (gaspard) and love anne rice and and and *explodes*

okay, i love everyone.  i love life.  i love you.  i love grilled cheese sandwiches.  toodles.

p.s.--they don't have a mood for slutty and it made me a little sad.  i just chose naughty and wrote "slutty", even though i'm feeling neither of those things.  actually, i'm a little hungry.  i wish i could speak in food...and then eat it.

mmm...grapes!  the fruit of hope!

whut? an update, whut?  well, i commented on fh, so i figured, "why the hell not?"

my excuse is the excitement (and mental reatardation of mods) that is DA.  surprisingly, some people like my stuff (some people being about 6 or 7) and the favorites i get make my heart warm and my insides bubble with JOY.  so i keep drawing and keep posting and la di da.  there you have it.

right now, the big thing is The Snape Scouts.  everyone who likes harry potter themed girl scout cookies should JOIN.  it's delightful.

and, uh...link in profile.

other than that, nothing new.  that's a lie, there's a ton new.  in fact, i have a list of why first semester next year is going to be AWESOME.

-better dorm (one of the best on campus)
-elisabeth and christina are coming back
-hookah/chinese/leaf/uuuh...lots of other names buddy alex will be in the same Chinese class as me
-michelle is still my roomie
-x-box 360 usage, once on

i'm sure there is more.  meh.

okay.  everyone should watch The Ice Pirates.  the end.

I miss Michelle.  And I miss Kenny.  And I miss all my college friends, especially the ones who offered to rescue me this weekend when I basically had a nervous breakdown (only less with the nerves and more with the under-appreciation and depression that is pretty much an accessory of my dad's house now).

Michelle, you're a beautiful person and I love you.  Kenny, I love you too, and thanks for everything that both of you have done and are willing to do for me.

You're both amazing.

Now, I'm going to go eat my easy mac and get my draw on <3.

I think I'm going to take u.ho's path and have a summer lj.  Mostly I just feel like making a new one.  Maybe it will motivate me.

Going to the lake for a few days.  I'll probably get burned.  Really, I'm just going to sit in the camper on my laptop or the PS1 (yeah, my PS2 broke and I took it apart and tried to fix it to no avail and teared up...poor thing)...or draw.  I drew a naked woman's breasts and then an entire torso and a pair of legs and feet.  I want feedback--be gentle, friends, keeping in mind that they're only my first and second tries.  I'm going to practice over the weekend.

I'll probably get frustrated at it being not perfect and just end up drawing Irkens.  It's all the rage.

In other news: My chair just vibrated near the ass area for no apparent reason.  The feeling would have been much more pleasing if I knew where it was coming from.

Okay, now for the pictures:


~~~~~

You know, I imagine sex between giraffes would have to be executed extremely carefully.

Sorry, that's strange, I know.  But, I had the most exciting conversation with my lady of London today and I found that giraffes are apparently the ultimate proof that gay marriage is natural, at least. So THAT argument can suck it *smirks*

Most giraffe sex in nature is m/m. In fact, a lot of animals are. There's even an exhibit going around--it was in Philadelphia when I heard about it. Google it, people <3!

We also talked about gay marriage in general and incest and other things that were discussed in my Contemporary Moral Problems class. Since we always end up drawing either Discworld, Harry Potter or...hearts, this is what you get. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy giraffes going at it (courtesy of Niph) and Fred Weasley giraffe climbing onto George Weasley giraffe (courtesy of me).

SO, What Niph and I imagine it's like (assuming Harry Potter would be in the mix...because it always is):


HP/DM are really going at it, so I'm putting a little warning there. Fred and George, Niph mentioned, seem as though they're making a pyramid. I just assumed they're the bottom of a Weasley pyramid (probably posing for a picture or something) and Fred and George are being all sneaky twincest-like.

Overall, I say: Hawt.

And I hope you enjoyed.  You should check out the other goofy art Niph and I make in msn paintchat on my deviantart account HERE.

OH MY GOD AVENUE Q WAS AMAZING.

There's tons else I can say about it, but I'll just say three things--Christmas Eve was DA BOMB, the Asian girl who played a few extras and had an ADORABLE voice was...adorable, and...

Bad Idea Bears:

So, u.ho accidently got me hooked on FB chat.

Lewzer.

P.S.--now everyone GO to Facebook and check out some pictures of me in a sewer.  Kickass!

I have written a few, u.ho-inspired haiku's this night. 

Anyone want to "woo" Ulana?  Just read her this lovely haiku :D (FREE OF CHARGE! ...no promises, guys).  I call it, "Ulana, you're worth more than pretzels to me" or, if you're feeling lazy, "u.ho greater than sign pretzels" (because you can't put a "greater than" sign on lj posts.  Boo.):

oh snap! i'm stuck on you
stuck on you like salt on dough
u.ho...be mai ho



~~~~~
This next one is a little complicated.  When read, it sounds more like a poem, but it's probably closer to a haiku than the past two I've written since it has to do with the seasons/nature...slightly, haha.  I've named it, "This Season On Scrubs":

Fall.  Winter.  Spring.  School.
Summer brings Scrubs marathons
And tall glasses of milk.

~~~~~
Michelle talks in her sleep and I've written down her...ramblings quite a few times.  Last night's was probably the most amusing, and the first two lines of this...haiku-ish (again, not about the seasons or nature, haha) are her words.  The last line, my response.  It was priceless.  Meleah has named it, "Mumblings of Michelle"

guh fearlee fearlee
soccer squawk squawk chicken dance
"What the HELL, Michelle?"

Ready for that haiku, Ulana?

I call it, "You're not easy at all!"  (Inspired by Elisabeth Powell <3)


"easy" mac on chopsticks
slip out and fall on my shirt
tasty and misleading.

A little piece I took from Telanu's Tea Series.  After Harry takes the Somniesperus potion Snape gave him for his birthday, the furies appear and deliver their first kickass lines of the series <3  I only kept the dialogue and cropped out anything Harry said:

We are the Arai, whom men have called the Curses - and other things besides.

Because we are not as kind to some men as to others. To you, we will be kind.

To you, we will grant your deepest desire

Revenge.

Yes, isn't that what you want? Isn't that what lasts?

Blood is a permanent thing.

Vengeance the reward, yours, ours.

Law. The law is the law is the law.

Certain things must not happen.

Seeking it, you have opened the way to us.

Erinnyes, Eumenides, Arai, Dirae. The law.

If you hated a tree, would you destroy its root, or the branch only?

I loved the furies, really, I did.  The Tea Series (and, subsequently, Wikipedia) was educational!

Drawn for a friend on Gaia.  Placed here to show Rachel:



Now, go here: www.livejournal.com/~themodeldrarry

VERY MERRY BIRTHDAY, ULANALUUUUUU <3!!!!!

THIS is the cake I would make you. 


It SCREAMS my obsession and since you're walking the line of Harry Potter anyway, I would figure, "Hey, why the hell not?"  I'd be a little upset about cutting it up and eating it though...okay, maybe not the Ron bit.

...Ron Weasley: date rapist, hypocrite, general idiot, total chickenshit, whiny bitch, manic depressive, double dealer and bloodthirsty savage (for examples see pages 111, 115, 186, 273, 306, 375, 503, and 638 in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows <3)

And, for everyone's entertainment, a funny sketch performed by a few of the main actors of the Harry Potter films (I'm just sad that it took me two years to learn of it's existence D:!):
Zoe noes!  The Queen's handbag is missing?  Harry Popo and Gang to the rescue!

Lulz, I'm a friend stealer.

The realization of this fact presented me with two emotions: Upset and a bit flattered.

That's right, as long as no one asks inconvenient questions, I'd say I feel not a twinge of guilt when your friend wants to hang out with me more.  Cocky much, Brittany?  Well, hell YES I am!  And why should I not be?  I've been in a right sodding mood this week and I think I deserve a little pick-me-up.  If it means calling up my little sister and hearing her compare our troubles then, hell, why not?  Lindsey says it's okay that some of my friend's friends want to hang out with me more, so I'm going with it.  Meleah says I'm "charismatic" (a word I swiftly threw it back in her face as she's the biggest goddamn friend-stealer I've ever met <3) and the fortune cookie I opened last week says, "Everyone agrees.  You are the best."

I think I'll go with bachelor #fortune cookie.  Heart.

Besides, it's not like it's an, "OMG BFF LET'S GET MATCHING PROMISE BRACELETS AND NAME OUR KIDS AFTER EACH OTHER AND MAYBE BUY HOUSES BESIDE ONE ANOTHER WHEN WE GET OLDER SO OUR KIDS CAN GROW UP TOGETHER AND HAAAAATE US...together."  No.  I played racquetball with Meleah the other day and, really, it's great to hang out with these cliques and new friends you've made, but sometimes you just need some time with old friends.  I have a lot of fun with *new friend*, but he/she doesn't KNOW me like Meleah.  Even if I've been hanging out with him/her, told him/her my worst fears and favorite food, hell, even if he/she went to my grandmother's funeral.  There are just things other people aren't a part of.

SO.  People need ta stop hatin'.  I know I'M learning to.  Right quick.  Jealousy is a mean, ugly creature, it's not just a cliche. 

Slept for 3 hours in the meditation room yesterday without meaning to, but it felt damn good.  But I've been having weird dreams again, lately (and if you make a reference to the opening of Kingdom Hearts because of that statement, Elizabeth, I swear I will cut you).  Might be all the work and stress and weird eating habits.

SPEAKING of Liz...RAIN WAS ON COLBERT AGAIN <3  He sent a message to Stephen saying he loved the video but to keep his day job.  Colbert made fun of him some more then got all spazzy saying, "Oh my GOD!  Rain knows who I am!  He's so ADORABLE!  I have to get him on my show for a...a dance off!  ...or a cuddle-off...or a spoon-off, whatever."  XDDD
Proof here <3:
http://www.comedycentral.com/colbertreport/videos.jhtml?episodeId=166449

So, Rain WILL be appearing on the Colbert Report when they confirm his NY concert date.  Not sure if this is old news to you, Liz since you're all pimped out on the Bi-news, but just in case XD  Here's a full, more detailed article on the tour situation:
http://imtsinghua.com.cn/2008/01/06/rain-on-colbert-show/

I have never been this behind in my schoolwork.  Ever.  It's insane and I don't know how I'm going to catch up.

In other news, I've never seen Avatar, and I may never see it, but Toph is a 12-year-old girl who looks like a little boy in many of her pictures and is just the MOST adorable thing to me.

Wish me luck with the work, guys.